Today is the birthday of one of my most treasured friends in the Philippines.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Why one of my most treasured? Because. For so many reasons. He was one of my closest friends in UST when I was still there. He was one of my textmates wherein we could stay up till 4 in the morning just texting. I could share just about everything to him and since the beginning of our friendship he has never left my side.

I can still remember two years ago. During that class in the Botanical Garden Laboratory, we had the election of our class officers. I nominated him to be the class president. He won. And he nominated me to be the assistant treasurer. And I too won. Funny. Since then people started calling him Mr. President.

I could never forget his birthday. Other than because he is my friend, exactly two years ago it was then a holiday. President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo made her State of the Nation Address on that day. And I made the joke that since it is his birthday and he is the class president he, himself, should make a S.O.C.A. (what a term right?) - a State of the Class Address. That day he told me flattering things about myself when I should be the one doing so since he was the celebrant. Thank you.

As months went on our friendship has deepen and I could notice people using me as a channel to get through to him. I guess we were that close then. Or maybe he was just afraid of me that was why he would do whatever I say.?? *laugh* (Can you picture an almost 6 feet guy afraid of a petite girl.?)

Though I haven't seen him for more than a year now, he will always be one of my special friends. He has done things to me other guys have never done before and might never do. He made me feel special. And the rest is history.??

To you Mr. President. I wanna thank you for the friendship. Though things have changed since that day where I answered your question, I know deep inside your heart you're still that friend I met more than two years ago. That friend who was always there to make me smile. And who did not need to see me to know how I was feeling. You always knew when I was in my down moments. I wonder how you did that? I hope I could be like that to you now. I hope I can be there to make you smile when you're down. Sorry when I was once the source of your sadness. But thank you for accepting it. Thank you for accepting me. Always remember that I will always be your friend; Mr. President, Kuya. And today on your birthday, I'll be the one to sing you the birthday song.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday happy birthday. Happy birthday to you!!!"

I may have not composed a song for you like you did for me. But remember, when I sing, I sing from the heart. Happy Birthday, Lex.

-you may know him. if you read one of the postings in my very first blog.-

This is a poem i stumbled upon in one pinoy forum. It touched my heart like how it touched the person who posted it on that website. I posted this here so others may learn from the author's experience. So that others may avoid the pit of living a life with regrets. - the "what if's..", "if only's..", and many more.

It may be lengthy but it's worth one's time. Nothing has been added to the content of the poem.

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The deeper you love the more it hurts when the other person does not feel the same way. Confessing your love for someone requires great courage and this poem beautifully expounds the heartaches one experiences as a result of rejection.

I Could Imagine You
Author Unknown

I could imagine your eyes, bright and lively
Excitement coursing through the pools blue sea
Your hands moving animatedly
Gesturing and talking in ways your mere words could not extend
I listened patiently
Fascinated
Not with what you had to say,
but in the resonant sound in which you said it
Inside I secretly ached
because I wanted to have been the one to bring such life into you
I thought of telling you then,
but I didn’t have the strength to

I could imagine your eyes, hooded and downcast
Anger fusing to cause electricity in your stormy skies
Your hands clenched in fists of rage
Tight and rigid on your lap
I listened cautiously
Furious
Not at you and the way your reacted
but with the way she made your voice tremble
Inside my fury burned
because I wanted to have been the one to make you feel such intensity
I thought of telling you then,
but I didn’t have the will to

I could imagine your eyes, coy and sly
Passion dilating your pupils
Your hands open and slick with sweat
Rubbing over your jeans to dry them
I listened painfully
Jealous
Not because you felt bliss and joy,
but because you felt it with her
Inside my heart broke
because I wanted to have been the one to bring you to such a fervent pitch of desire
I thought of telling you then,
but I didn’t have the courage to

I could imagine your eyes sad and pained
Unshed tears creating a wall of anguish
Your hands trembling like a child’s
Shaking as they cradled your head
I listened silently
Miserable
Not because of you
but because she had caused you to feel such hurt
Inside my heart was torn
because I felt sorry for you and her even though I secretly wanted to have been the one whose name you sobbed
I thought of telling you then,
but I didn’t have the heart to

I could imagine your eyes, distant and weary
Your eyelids shutting out the world
Your hands limp like rags
Hanging lifelessly on each side of your body
I listened intently
Desperate
Not because I was drinking in your every word,
but because I was straining to hear you speak a word at all
Inside my heart was cold
because I could not comfort you when you needed me the most
I told you then,
but only because I couldn’t find any more reasons not to

I could imagine your eyes wide and startled
Your eyes looking away
Your hands fidgeting restlessly
Nervously running through your hair I listened abjectly
Depressed
Not because you didn’t care,
but because you cared too much to let me dream
Inside my heart shattered because I thought my word had ended
I thought of dying then,
but I couldn’t find the words to tell you

I could imagine your eyes, sympathetic and pleading
Your brows furrowed out of concern
Your hand stretched out in from of your body
Reaching out to me I didn’t listen then
Hollow I walked away,
not because you hurt me,
but because I was hurting myself by looking at you
Inside my heart cried
because all these years spent imagining you -
And all I ever wanted was for you to imagine me, too.

I've always been the type of person who treasures all my friends. I try to make sure that I'll be there whenever they need me even though I'm miles away from them. Though the world tells me that I'm never going to get back from them the same support I give, I did not care. I always thought, "I don't care if they won't be there for me as long as I will always be there for them". For me, God made me who I am today and blessed me with so much that I want to give back and to share to the community the blessings He has showered me. The community whose member I believe have God in each and everyone of them.

I consider my friends as precious stones. I know that I've already been to different places and met a lot of people. In those journeys I made a lot of new acquaintances and friends. It's just sad to know that though I have a long list of friends only a few are true and willing to fight for and with me. Only a few value the friendship that I keep so dear. But I never held any negative emotions to those who failed to be there for me. I understand. I still love them. And I will always be there for them. Because what hurts the most is when someone denies you as a friend. Or even a simple acquaintance. Yes it hurts. And yes, I've experienced it.

It hurts because I know that I never did anything to hurt him/her. In fact I made one of the hardest decisions in my life by letting something go just to be able to make him/her happy.

To You:

I know you will never get to read this post. Well, maybe somehow in the future you will. Through Fate. And I know you will know I'm talking about you. I've always valued the friendship and the memories we had. Though they weren't for a very long time, I was happy. I am happy because I knew you and learned some lessons in life through my journey with you. I know you knew it hurt when I had to let go of one thing we shared because I wanted to make you happy and I knew you were. I thought we were okey. I thought we had already patched up that scratch in our friendship. But what happened? You suddenly disappeared, it was not a big deal though because I understood why you had to do it. I was your friend. But did you have to deny me? Deny that you've met me and befriends with me? It hurt. For whatever reason you made the decision to forget and erase me in your life, that's fine with me. I will not force you to tell the truth because it will only make things worse in your life. I meant you good. And I will forever wish only good things to happen in your life. I admit I tried to forget you. But I know I never will. Because I never forget my friends. I heard recently that you admitted to him/her that you knew me. But what for? It's too late now. You already hurt me. The friend who was always there praying for you. The fear will always be there too. I pity you because he/she was too precious to deserve the treatment you gave. I'm afraid this will continue to happen over and over in your life. But you are still young. You can still change. Don't waste the gifts God has given you and don't play with people's emotions because they're not in any way like the characters you play in your online games. When they get hurt and die they will never be revived and given the same number of lives and ammunitions and powers or whatsoever. Learn to value the precious stones in your life. Be true to your heart and to other people. Only then can you say you were a true friend and a person. Whatever happened in our past I put them behind us now. I've moved on. And I wish you well.

Change is one of the constant things in life. There is no way one thing will remain the same forever. Change may sometimes be a thing we like to happen while at times it's something we wish have never existed. It may be something we can control or something that is just bound to happen and is beyond our grasp.

If only changes are like clothes. We get to fit them first and try to see if they fit us and look good on us. And after we purchase them we still have the right, as the buyer, to return them whenever we wish to.

Will life be better if we have that kind of system? *sigh* nahh..

note: This is a very lousy post. I did not take time to think about the topic. I'm too bored of TOO MANY things to do that I just had to do something else. And I'm just complicating the obvious. LOL

-something i recovered from my very first blog..

first posted last May 8, 2006... wow... nakakatawa.. ang labo ng sinulat ko..-

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hay..

everything between us happened so fast.. we both didn't see it coming.. aminado kami na ang bilis ng mga pangyayari.. but we are happy.. i know i am and i know he is.. i can feel it.. everyone around us can see it..

we both know na aalis ako.. at first.. we were both hesitant to risk.. he was hesitant..cz he knw na aalis ako.. and ako rin.. i was afraid.. cz i have loved before but just got hurt..i said to myself na ayoko munang umibig.. tinanim ko sa isip ko na i am leaving.. someone was even courting me that time.. but kahit everyday niya pinapakita sakin how much he loves me.. hnd pa rin umubra.. hnd niya nakuha puso ko.. i felt ok.. very ordinary.. someone loves me pero d ko masuklian yung love that he was very willing to give me.. honestly, i felt dry.. i felt ang ordinary ng mga araw ko..

but one day.. napaka unexpected.. he entered my life.. hnd ko pa nga xa kilala pero binati nya ako.. sabi niya "hi crush!" woah!!!!!! i didn't expect that.. his friends didn't... (his friends and isang common friend namin ang naging witness namin..sa lahat..hehehe) and xa din.. he didn't expect na he'd admit to me dat time na crush niya ako.. naging constant ang communication namin.. i thought he would be just like any ordinary guy that came into my life..na ngpakita ng interes..but d ko kayang mahalin in return..pero hnd..he started to become one of my reasons for waking up each day..kahit wla xa sa tabi ko he could me make laugh when no one else could..my days started to become incomplete pag d ko xa nakikita..once, akala ko he would break what he said to me..naiyak ako..hnd ko alam why..siguro kac..mahal ko na xa nun..i did so many stupid things na i didn't expect na magagawa ko..all for him..grabe..foooooooooooorward.....

dey said..laging depende sa tao..love is a decision..and i decided to risk..to love him..i dnt knw why him..but i do know..dat i love him..and im willing to do everything just to see him again..just to be with him again..

i admit.. before.. at some point.. i got scared.. so scared to get hurt.. but he did and said some things that made me realize.. shocks! he does love me so much..

i know people think im still too young to know..i know we just met..we know we just met..we know that things happened so fast..but time doesn't matter..we both felt it..

im willing to fly half around the world.. that far from him.. cause i know that he is gonna wait.. i know he will be there when i get back.. i know that he is gonna follow me.. sounds crazy right? hehehe.. it does.. it does sound silly.. two lovers.. each halfway arnd the world.. so hopeful that someday they'll find each other back in each other's arms.. grabe..

i dont know if all the people will understand.. but i know.. everyone has loved..