45 things a Girl loves

Posted by -edz- on 1:27 AM in
--just got this over somewhere and thought of posting it.. it's kinda cute--

1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends

keep reading...
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more,deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it.
fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends.
it makes her feel loved

Are you thinking about someone?
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
19-tell her she's beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her! (note: there's two number 20)
20-u need to show her you mean it too
21-kiss her on the lips
22-DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. you buy her stuff
24-make her feel loved
25-buy her small things that can help make her feel special.
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-txt message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her whenever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you,just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you

are you still reading this. u better be its important
31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose;(it will give her the hint that you wantto kiss her).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad.
If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night
44. Dedicate a song to her.
45. Always Remind her how much you love her. youll never know when she needs just a lil more love

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I Love You

Posted by -edz- on 8:48 AM in
--this is one of those short love stories i stumbled upon on the internet.. and shared with my friends.. it made an impact on me and i just wanna share its' message.. by posting it here.. hope you read it.. its' really sweet and interesting.. and i hope we realize something about life and love from this.. i didn't make any alterations on the story and how it was written..--

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.

Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointmentgrabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all.He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away.

The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted…
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.

But he just said simple cold words and left.“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”

That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don’t need it.
Jin: What….why…I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.

“I’m sorry”
He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted…But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!”
That sound, so terrifying.That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…
“One…two… three…”

That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eightyfive…”
It all ended with 485 dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~”I dropped the dolls,shocked.
“I….lo..ve…you??”I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~”It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.

“I love you~”
“I love you~”“I love you~” Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life….

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Greetings from the Webmaster

Posted by -edz- on 8:16 PM

Hi! Welcome to my blog. Well, our blog. How is that so?
Well, this page is basically about everything! As I say, "There is lesson in randomness!" We just have to know how to squeeze them out and apply those "lessons" in each of our lives, right?

This blog posts an array of entries ranging from poems, songs, news articles, site and book reviews, sometimes even my own reflections, and the lists just goes on and on... Take note though that not all posts were written by me.

So if there's anything you want to share - a poem or song you wrote, a book you just can't stop raving about, or an important lesson you want to share to everyone - feel free to drop your entries in the comments or email me and I'll upload it for you (anonymously, if you want).

Image courtesy of Jules Says

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last day of fall semester

Posted by -edz- on 4:11 PM

i just finished my last exam for this semester!! bye fall! hello winter!

i dunno how i did for my 1st sem here! i don't wanna know! i just wanna enjoy the holiday season.. though i know i can't really be happy.. totally.. that's impossible..

but knowing that i have in my life the people i love.. though some are far from me.. that makes it close to that..

yey!!! now.. i'd have to think what im going to do with my time.. hehe..

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If We Fall In Love

Posted by -edz- on 9:15 AM in
by Yeng Constantino and Rj Jimenez

There will be no ordinary days for you
If there is someone who cares like I do
You got no reason to be sad anymore
I’m always ready with a smile
With just one glimpse of you

You don’t have to search no more
‘cause I am someone who will love you for sure

So if we fall in love
Maybe we’ll sing this song as one
If we fall in love
We can write a better song than this
If we fall in love
We will have this melody in our heads
If we fall in love
Anywhere with you will be a better place

You can watch that movies in a different light
So I’ll be right there beside you
Hugging you oh so tight (oh so tight)
Has from never feel so cold and empty again
‘cause I will keep on holding on
And won’t let go (never let you go)


Feels so good when you’re around
One smile from you (one smile from you)
Make my days feel so bright


note: a lot of people are asking for the lyrics of this song.. so i made a copy of it.. i listened to the song itself and not just copied the lyrics from a site.. you'll find that it's more accurate than those posted by others..

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Posted by -edz- on 12:36 PM in

a surprise made by my sister for me!

RockYou FXText - Get Your Own

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old blog

Posted by -edz- on 10:01 AM in
-something i recovered from my very first blog..
first posted last May 8, 2006... wow... nakakatawa.. ang labo ng sinulat ko..-



everything between us happened so fast.. we both didn't see it coming.. aminado kami na ang bilis ng mga pangyayari.. but we are happy.. i know i am and i know he is.. i can feel it.. everyone around us can see it..

we both know na aalis ako.. at first.. we were both hesitant to risk.. he was hesitant..cz he knw na aalis ako.. and ako rin.. i was afraid.. cz i have loved before but just got hurt..i said to myself na ayoko munang umibig.. tinanim ko sa isip ko na i am leaving.. someone was even courting me that time.. but kahit everyday niya pinapakita sakin how much he loves me.. hnd pa rin umubra.. hnd niya nakuha puso ko.. i felt ok.. very ordinary.. someone loves me pero d ko masuklian yung love that he was very willing to give me.. honestly, i felt dry.. i felt ang ordinary ng mga araw ko..

but one day.. napaka unexpected.. he entered my life.. hnd ko pa nga xa kilala pero binati nya ako.. sabi niya "hi crush!" woah!!!!!! i didn't expect that.. his friends didn't... (his friends and isang common friend namin ang naging witness namin..sa lahat..hehehe) and xa din.. he didn't expect na he'd admit to me dat time na crush niya ako.. naging constant ang communication namin.. i thought he would be just like any ordinary guy that came into my life..na ngpakita ng interes..but d ko kayang mahalin in return..pero hnd..he started to become one of my reasons for waking up each day..kahit wla xa sa tabi ko he could me make laugh when no one else could..my days started to become incomplete pag d ko xa nakikita..once, akala ko he would break what he said to me..naiyak ako..hnd ko alam why..siguro kac..mahal ko na xa nun..i did so many stupid things na i didn't expect na magagawa ko..all for him..grabe..foooooooooooorward.....

dey said..laging depende sa tao..love is a decision..and i decided to risk..to love him..i dnt knw why him..but i do know..dat i love him..and im willing to do everything just to see him again..just to be with him again..

i admit.. before.. at some point.. i got scared.. so scared to get hurt.. but he did and said some things that made me realize.. shocks! he does love me so much..

i know people think im still too young to know..i know we just met..we know we just met..we know that things happened so fast..but time doesn't matter..we both felt it..

im willing to fly half around the world.. that far from him.. cause i know that he is gonna wait.. i know he will be there when i get back.. i know that he is gonna follow me.. sounds crazy right? hehehe.. it does.. it does sound silly.. two lovers.. each halfway arnd the world.. so hopeful that someday they'll find each other back in each other's arms.. grabe..

i dont know if all the people will understand.. but i know.. everyone has loved..

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Felt So Right

Posted by -edz- on 9:31 PM in
I love you
I don't know what else to say
Cuz I long for you more each day
I need you
I want to feel your embrace
And have a chance to touch your face

I was lost and alone
But you showed me the way
Now I call you my own
Things will never be the same

How could I’ve known
You will hold me close so tenderly
Even though I’m alone
I can feel your arms enfold in me
And that love, became mine in just one night
When you held me tight
Oooh.. it felt so right

I feel you
You’re always here in my heart
Its where reflection since we fall apart

I was lost and alone
But you showed me the way
Can’t go on, on my own
Wishin’ that you would stay

How could I’ve known
You will hold me close so tenderly
Even though I’m alone
I can feel your arms enfold in me
And that love, became mine in just one night
When you held me tight
Oooh.. it felt so right

I was lost and alone
But you showed me the way
Can’t go on, on my own
Wishin’ that you would stay
Tell me that you would stay... ey

How could I’ve know (how could I’ve known… ohh)
(Ooh)You will hold me close so tenderly (oohh)
(Ooh)Even though I’m alone
I can feel your arms enfold in me (your arms enfold me)
And that love, became mine in just one night
When you held me tight
Oooh.. it felt so right
Felt so right…
Hmmm… felt so right.

***after listening to this song over and over again.. i thought..
i've never had any problems trusting and having faith in anybody.. but giving you those is one of the hardest things i've ever done.. and leaving you is the hardest decision i've ever made.. having those, together with your love and promise, are my only weapons in this strange land.. ***

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simplicity of life

Posted by -edz- on 11:28 PM in
today.. is my brother's birthday and also the feast of immaculate concepcion.. and like the month of september, i also have a lot of friends celebrating their birthdays this month..

it's really late.. and i'm kinda tired of writing.. so i might just have to write in phrases instead of paragraphs.. am i still making sense? uhhh.. i hate this.. this is what it feels like when you're so exhausted and sad..

it's just so funny how we all get sooooooo sad over matters.. like the beauty around us aren't enough to make us feel thankful.. yet it only takes one small thing to make us happy and get rid of all those sadness..

a family is and will always be a family.. no matter how tough the road may seem they will always be there to help you overcome the obstacles you are facing and are still about to face.. no matter how messed up the day may be.. at the end of it, you still have your family waiting for you at home ready to cheer you up!

celebrating once birthday doesn't have to be that costly or grandeur.. having your family with you is more than enough..

being a kid is a gift.. let us not take that away from children and push them to grow up too fast.. because one can only be a child once but, for the rest of his life, he can grow up everyday and be more mature as time flies.. life for them is so simple yet full of love and happiness.. and grown-ups must know to learn from them..

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exhausting day

Posted by -edz- on 10:10 PM in
after a really long and busy weekend..

after a day full of pressure and unexplainable emotions. after all the rounds of impromptu speeches. the day of corporate look!

after all the shopping. the back and forth journey to the fitting room. the make up. the smiles. the soreness of wearing high heels all day.

im back to my regular mondays. but this time i rode the bus to school. the very first monday i chose to take the bus and i made it to the stop before the bus even came.

i had my exam in anthropology and just studied today. few hours before the exam and i had to read two whole books! good thing luck was at my side that time. i think the exam wasn't that bad. better than what i had expected.

one down. 1 million more research papers to go! how am i going to finish all of them when instead of working on them i'm here encoding this. trying to gradually put into words my emotions and thoughts.

emotions? i think i might have to set it aside for now and just take some dosage of emo songs. sounds crazy? sounds like i'm making it worse? well, things can't get any worst. i just don't want it to end. i hate this feeling!

- one has to learn first how to be a member before he jumps to be a leader.

- a leader still has a lot to learn, even from his own members.

- being the leader may not always be the best way to organize things.

- in every situation, there will always be someone who opposes.

- the devil's advocate sure does have some issues.

- being sweet and caring may sometimes be unreciprocated.

- sometimes it's better to let things take their course.

i got a lot of things to say. but i don't wanna put them into words anymore. because it'll just hurt even more.
- seeing and being able to read the pain and the cause just scars.

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Posted by -edz- on 11:00 PM in
i worry:

where is this fate leading me? where is this emotion bringing us? is it here to guide us? or is it here to lead us to a pit to just fall? will you fall with me? or are you gonna hang unto something and just let me go to break?

is this magic just a fantasy from the very beginning? or does everything still have a spark of hope left in it?

everything i am experiencing and achieving now cannot and can never compensate for my longing.. longing to be with the person i once just hoped to come and be a reality..

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more than what you think

Posted by -edz- on 7:53 PM in
It is the things in commonthat make relationships enjoyable,but it is the little differences that make them interesting.
- Todd Ruthman

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.
- Jeanne Moreau, French Actress

It doesn't matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.
- "Good Will Hunting"

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most, and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms and cries when you cry turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.
- "Ally McBeal"

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
- Robert Heinlein

When you like someone, you like them in spite of their faults. When you love someone, you love them with their faults.
- Elizabeth Cameron

Put love first. Entertain thoughts that give life. And when a thought or resentment, or hurt, or fear comes your way, have another thought that is more powerful -- a thought that is love.
- Mary Manin Morrissey

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what the world needs now

Posted by -edz- on 4:47 PM in ,
Opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack. Most of the time, we are attracted to people who don't have the things that we have. Incompatibility is why we get married, but it's also used as a reason to divorce.Incompatibility is just a lack of communication. If we just try to love [our spouse] the way we want to be loved, we are in trouble. Unless you communicate, it's difficult to know how to love another person.
-Dr. Charles Lowery

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.

It's only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found. I am only here tonight because of you. You are all I am. You are all my reasons.
-"A Beautiful Mind"

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.
-Charles Dickens

You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.
-"Never Been Kissed"

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quotes to ponder

Posted by -edz- on 2:21 PM in
Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect, and touch, and greet each other.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Love withers with predictability; its very essence is surprise and amazement. To make love a prisoner of the mundane is to take its passion and lose it forever.
-Leo Buscaglia

We can only learn to love by loving.
-Iris Murdoch

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved.
-Victor Hugo

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purity of snow

Posted by -edz- on 7:34 PM in
it's the start of the winter season.. the weather's frequently changing..
and i'm starting to get sick.. along side with the pile of homeworks and projects i have since it's almost the end of the fall semester..

will i make it? *sigh*

funny how all of these worries suddenly fly away with just a simply line from you..
i just want to vanish.. in an untouched island with you..

can the world just be free of worries? of war? where everyone can live free of fear.. a world ignorant of violence.. a world filled only with laughter and love..

*sigh* utopia..

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don't let go.

Posted by -edz- on 1:16 AM
i'm back to this same old feeling again.

missing you.

there are days that our love is enough to fill the gap. but most of the time, i need you.
will you still be there when i get home? will our fate be just like your friend's? hopeful at first but towards the end they had to part ways?

i don't want us to. i want us to fight these challenges together, though we're not physically beside each other. like i always tell myself, i have faith in you and i have faith in our love. let us not let temptations, the distance and other trials end this thing we share. i've felt our love and i know how great it is. please don't let go. i know we're still far from the end line but please don't let go.

don't let go.

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Grey's Anatomy

Posted by -edz- on 9:12 AM in
i was watching Grey's Anatomy last night..
and towards the end.. this is what Merideth said..
at least this is what i heard.. =P

"not all wounds are superficial.
most wounds run deeper than we can imagine.
we cant see them with a naked eye.
and then there are the wounds that take us by surprise.
the trick with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find any source of wound or injury.
and once you've found it try like hell to heal that suffer."
-Grey's Anatomy-

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Posted by -edz- on 10:13 PM in ,
--originally posted last Nov 4, '06 12:38 AM--


i'm bored. but i got so many things to do. i got a really really long list of assignments, projects, readings, speeches, tours, etc. it's just that i'm not eager to do them. i lost my determination. and so i cling to my new bestfriends "boredom" and "internet".

i've been spending too much time in front of the computer these past few months. which is really unusual because i am not the computer type of person. but now, i think i've become addicted to the internet and to the wonders a computer does. just like right now. instead of going to bed and rest so i can have energy for tomorrow's struggles, i'm here. i'm here encoding this crap.

in fact i wasn't thinking of writing about my new pals. a while ago i was thinking of something else to write but as i press the letters in my keyboard thoughts came to my mind. and here i am again. reflecting about my life. about its' new obstacles and whatsoever. i guess i've been trying to avoid reality these past few months. i've been trying to escape my new life with excuses that i'm challenged by the internet and by my computer. that i need to master them to be able to get back on track. what an escape goat. i'm really good with it though. but i'm tired of it. in a day i can't anymore count the number of hours i dedicate to my computer and i've lost track to the number of times i sign in to friendster, multiply, myspace, tagged, my blog, my high school class' blog, my friends' blogs, tristancafe, youtube, and my 3 email accounts and to whatever sites that come to my mind. good thing i still have my brain during classes. it hasn't failed me but i've failed it, a lot of times already.

i'm getting sick and tired of this routine. (or of my life?) oh well, not that it's really boring. but no matter what i do i just can't forever hide from reality. it's already december next month. i need to hustle to get back to my spot. my list says i need to rush! and despite how lazy i think i've become i can still feel that atenean spirit in me that says "ADMG". i don't wanna disappoint my God. if i can't do this for myself or my family, at least i might try for Him.

gosh.. what am i saying? it's already early morning. i need to have some sleep.

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things i wanna do in this lifetime

Posted by -edz- on 10:08 PM in , ,

--originally posted last Oct 26, '06 11:20 PM--

  1. parachute jump (superman!)
  2. jet ski (oh yeah!)
  3. scuba dive (i see Ariel the mermaid)
  4. swim and sit under a waterfalls
  5. tour over some of the places in Europe
  6. shout at the top of a building (im the queen of the world!)
  7. bungee jump (woohoo!)
  8. go car racing (exciting!)
  9. ride on the largest ferris wheel which is the London Eye ("If Only" ba? hehe)
  10. drive across the world's largest bridge which is Akashi-Kaikyo in Japan (oh man! i don't like Japan. but i looooove Japanese dishes!)
  11. memorize all the 35,000 words in my Webster's New World Pocket Dictionary (gosh! that's harder than commiting suicide.. hehe.)
  12. be part of a shooting club (oohhh.. guns might come in handy..?? hehe..)
  13. enrol in a dance school and learn all kinds of dances except ballet (i'm not the barbie type of girl. i hate too girlish things. but i've always been into dancing. just wanna continue what i've started.)
  14. star in an action movie. Tomb Raider would be really cool. (hey! shut up! it's free to dream anyway! not that i really want it.)
  15. have a concert in Araneta Coliseum (oh yeah! sold out tickets! and standing ovation! bwahahaha!)
  16. befriends with John Prats (nah!!! don't need this anymore. i've already seen him a couple of times. plus, i already found the "John" of my life. hehe)
  17. learn to play the drums! (i already know how to play the piano and the guitar. im ready to enter the world of drums. one man band ba?!?!? who cares!)
  18. be a princess! (even in my own world only)

it's a really really long list!!!!!!!! more to come...

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torture day of a white

Posted by -edz- on 10:06 PM in ,
--originally posted last Oct 20, '06 9:29 PM--

i experienced the first step of physical pain today. but i am happy. i guess because i had long wanted for this to happen. and finally it's here after more than 5 years of waiting.

i admit. it's hard. it's very tough. i don't even know until when i could continue fighting. but this is just the first step. everyone went through this stage. well, i guess those blessed with the skills didn't have to undergo the difficulty i'm feeling. but still. this is just the beginning. if i give up now i'm just proving the others that i am weak. i know i can acquire that strength if i just have patience and determination. the world is willing to teach me. i just have to be willing to accept those lessons and teach myself too.

everything in this world is tough. i know i may feel pain and a lot of difficulty. but the world will not change the way it is just for me. i have to mold myself to cope with it. i have to be strong if i want to survive. if i also want to be one of the best someday. i know i can learn fast. and i believe i can do this. i may fall. i may stumble. i may do silly things. i may make a fool out of myself. and people will continue to laugh at me. but that's all part of it. the price of all these pain is great. like they say, "no pain, no gain."

i know i am a fighter. i may loose faith in myself at times. but i have confidence that i can do this. i love what i'm doing. i am enjoying the challenge. i always keep my word. God never lets me down and i won't fail him. i can do this. i will survive. i will always pray to one day be part of the best. and get that respect.

and that black thing around their waist with words written in color red. they are who we call "masters"

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Posted by -edz- on 10:01 PM in ,

--originally posted last Oct 14, '06 12:07 AM--

every girl has her own fairytale.

i used to not have one. till i was influenced by the people around me. i realized how great it would be to dream. to finally experience, even for just one night, how it would be like to be a princess. even just the sense of how it feels. even for just one night.

a night for yourself. a night where all that matters is you. a night where all the stars shine upon you. and you just can't stop yourself from smiling and be thankful for all those love. all these years.

just one night to feel your the most beautiful princess in the whole wide world. (sounds very childish) just one night to spend with all the people you love. to hear how you came into their lives, how you once made them laugh and cry, how you where there when they needed you and how they witnessed the sad and happy times in your life. just one night to remind you that you live a great imperfect life. and how all these people made it feel almost close to perfection.

just one night to laugh with all your friends. just one dance to remember, with the one whom you gave your heart to. just one night to count your countless blessings. just one night to be really thankful. to be really grateful.

yet. just one decision. and all those fantasies disappear all of a sudden. the fairytale you once dreamt of is now just a memory of all those years that you were once full of hope.

i closed that book. i forced myself to leave that chapter unended. i try to forget how i once hoped to be a princess. yet they keep on asking how i wanted the story to end. all those questions brought life to my fantasies. they made me dream again. to hope again.

all only to just break me. to fall on my knees once more. i don't want to open that book anymore. i'm tired of feeling this emptiness. this isn't about feeling a princess because of the material things I have. this isn't about the masked smiles. this isn't about the unfamiliar laughters. this isn't about the chained limited freedom. this is about my life. i wanted that one night for all the people who shaped me to be present.

i asked for just one night. but without them. celebrating is just feeling alone. the stars are just darkness that blinds me. it is just one way of breaking me more apart. i will not be whole. again. that one night will not anymore complete me. because without those people. i can never be. till then i can only be a puzzle with a missing piece.

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the past

Posted by -edz- on 9:53 PM in

--originally posted last Oct 12, '06 5:45 PM--

a thought i had in the past.
it's funny how after a person had hurt you several times, you still want to be with him/her.

the miracle of friendship.
it's pretty ironic with how you'll find the perfect friend in someone who once caused you terrible pain. when he/she was the reason you cried a lot in the past. but now? he/she is one of the best people who came into your life. someone whom you call a true friend.

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numb to the pain

Posted by -edz- on 9:36 PM
--originally posted last Oct 10, '06 2:02 PM--

I know I did something wrong.
And it hurts me every time I do it over and over again.
It hurts me.
Yet I try to be who I am not.
I try to be numb.
I try to pretend I don't get hurt by the pain.
But every time I do; the more I feared, the more I get scared.
I'm just trying to protect and to keep something I really love and care for.
And this is the only way I know how to do it.
It's sad to admit the reality but I am not blind with its' presence.
Yet I try to avoid it and just think of other causes to why this thing exists.
Sometimes I think I'm the only one doing my part, well am I?
It would have been better if the other road is open.
If only turnabouts are that easy and don't require skills.
I don't regret this happening and I try not to think of its' consequence, though I know it will come soon.
Because I'd rather suffer alone than loose that one thing I care for.

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Humanities 61

Posted by -edz- on 9:28 PM
--originally posted last Sep 21, '06 11:40 PM--

male deviance?
supremacist capitalist patriarchy?
white male dominance?
staying in power?
black youth culture?
gangsta rap?
music that hate women?
ice cube?
change is inevitable?
ect. etc. etc.

im speechless! man! all i do is nod my head and agree with what they are saying! hehe.

i still have to pick a song portraying misogyny and write a paper about it. like! how would i know?!?!?! i don't listen to those type of music! heck!

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Growing Wish List

Posted by -edz- on 9:24 PM in
--originally posted last Aug 25, '06 11:26 PM--

I wish I'm not writing this
I wish I could totally smile
I wish I'm not wondering where you are and see who you're with
I wish your knocking at my door waiting for me to get dressed
I wish your the one I'm talking to on the phone
I wish I'm listening to these songs with you
I wish your the one I will be dancing with on my special day
I wish your the one I'm sharing these pictures with
I wish your the one who's bringing me to class
I wish we're together on our way home
I wish I could make you stay up till early morning just to finish your homework
I wish we're both laughing at our jokes
I wish I could be there to brighten up your day
I wish I could hold your hand on your darkest times
I wish you'll lean on me when your down
I wish I could take care of you when you're sick
I wish I'm giving you the half cup of my rice, you know I can't finish it all by myselfI
I wish to be sharing these fries with you and finally taste your favorite frosty
I wish I could cook you your favorite meal
I wish your telling me when I'm being mean again
I wish your teasing me endlessly on how we both look like the perfect 10
I wish your mocking me on how I'm being a drama queen again
I wish we could watch that upcoming Spiderman movie
I wish we could go to mass together
I wish you'll meet all of my friends and I meet yours
I wish we're talking about silly things and important matters
I wish I'm the one your sharing your secrets with
I wish I could confide in you my realizations at the end of the day
I wish we're arguing over our ideas but still end up so sweet
I wish I could literally come to you for help and cry on your shoulders when I'm being a crybaby again
I wish I could sleep on your lap when I can't take anymore movie marathon
I wish your the first thing I see in the morning and the last one I kiss goodnight
I wish you won't think of me as silly for writing this
I wish I'm not missing you but I totally am
I wish I'm not wishing to be with you but I can't hide the fact that I am

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i love you dad

Posted by -edz- on 9:03 PM
--originally posted last Aug 19, '06 12:33 PM--

it has been a while since my dad and i had our little chat.. he has always been so busy ever since we came to america.. very busy with work.. very busy in finalizing our papers.. busy.. busy.. busy.. but we try to update him though with the latest happenings in our lives.. though some times he fails to listen.. but we understand him..

yesterday evening after bringing our uncle to LAX.. my sis and i had a little bonding with our father.. hehe.. we went to shop at target.. toured a bit over the city.. we showed him my sister's school.. it was his first time to see it okey.. and had a few conversations.. how i miss his lectures and pieces of advice about life and how to be successful in it.. i used to hear a lot of that before.. but i admit it.. these past few months i've been missing that part a lot.. hehehe..

when we got home he just rested for a while and had funny conversations with us.. there was a wild exchange of laughters.. oh how i miss those kinds of happenings.. i miss my dad.. how i wish and pray that this would happen more often..

it made me realize some things.. that our dad really cares for us.. and like every parent, he wants and tries to be present in every event of our lives.. he hates to see us suffer and be very uncomfortable.. and he's working so hard for us.. for our future.. i am more than 100% sure we are in our father's number one priority list.. and that he loves us so much.. that is why he is doing all of this.. for us..

i wish someday i could gather enough courage to show and to tell him how much i love him too..

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an important lesson

Posted by -edz- on 8:57 PM
--originally posted last Aug 15, '06 1:21 PM--


What am I to deserve this entry?
To a world of luxury;
Am I not before was sunken;
In poverty and misery.
So to all these things that I have got,
Are there still reasons to be sad?
Must the little fuss that trials bring
Cause us to forget our blessing?

I remember writing this poem when I first came to America. There are so many luxuries that we take for granted. Compares to the Philippines, we are enjoying better lives evident in our way of living. Cars, homes, food, technology, clean air, human rights, justcie, abundant supply of water, electricity, are just a ew to mention. Yet. depression is a major problem in America. I tried to decipher why people are still sad when they got a lot of blessings. It is because the more they get, the more they want. "WANTING MORE THAN WE CAN HAVE LEADS TO DEPRESSION." Let us stop focusing on what we don't have but rather be thankful for everything we got.

by Dr.Espie C. Claudio

I got this entry from a newspaper.. and i just thought it's a good thing to help share this lesson to the world..

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I Never Thought

Posted by -edz- on 8:45 PM in
--originally posted last Aug 13, '06 9:57 PM--

I never thought I'd come to believe in love at first sight
it all started over a little joke
that put a smile on my face and it never left me since then
every moment spent with you was worth years of happiness I didn't think I'd feel

In your eyes I saw a love that's true
a love that I feared to accept because I was scared of hurt
but cupid's magic did its little trick
and soon fate made one our two opposite hearts

I never thought that I'd find the missing piece of my life in you
I never thought the day would still come
that I'd open my heart once more
I never thought that I'd be this happy
I never thought I'd finally say the words "I love you"

Baby, to be with you is where I wanna be for the rest of my life..

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Posted by -edz- on 7:42 PM in
--originally posted last Aug 11, '06 7:52 PM--

by Freestyle

Know I havent slept a week at all
Since you've been gone
And my eyes are kinda tired
From crying all night long
Know i've never been too good at cooking just for one
It's so lonely here without you baby
Come back home

'cause i'm half crazy
Feelin' sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you'd find someone else to love

Know life hasnt been much fun at all
Since you've been gone
And my eyes being to feel
Each time I hear a sound
I spent every minute asking myself
What went wrong
Can't we try to talk it over baby
Come back home

'cause i'm half crazy
Feelin' sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you'd find someone else to love

But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could love you like I do


'cause i'm half crazy
Feelin' sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you'd find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could ever love you
No one else could ever be

Half crazy
Feeling sorry for myself
And i'm worried you'll find someone else
Feeling sorry for myself Half crazy (faded)

*this is what i feel right now.. i can't deny it but there are times when i end up worrying that you might find someone else to love.. and i find myself wishing that this wont come to an end.. let's stick to our promise baby..*

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Posted by -edz- on 7:17 PM
--originally posted last Aug 8, '06 9:31 AM--

when shopping (for clothes, shoes, bags, etc.) always look for three things..

1. style - does it look good? is it too daring? or too boring? does it fit you? is it too small? or too big?

2. price - is the price just right? could you get the same style for a lower price in another store?

3. quality - is it of poor or high quality? yeah it's cheap but will it last?

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