Posted by -edz- on 10:01 PM in ,

--originally posted last Oct 14, '06 12:07 AM--

every girl has her own fairytale.

i used to not have one. till i was influenced by the people around me. i realized how great it would be to dream. to finally experience, even for just one night, how it would be like to be a princess. even just the sense of how it feels. even for just one night.

a night for yourself. a night where all that matters is you. a night where all the stars shine upon you. and you just can't stop yourself from smiling and be thankful for all those love. all these years.

just one night to feel your the most beautiful princess in the whole wide world. (sounds very childish) just one night to spend with all the people you love. to hear how you came into their lives, how you once made them laugh and cry, how you where there when they needed you and how they witnessed the sad and happy times in your life. just one night to remind you that you live a great imperfect life. and how all these people made it feel almost close to perfection.

just one night to laugh with all your friends. just one dance to remember, with the one whom you gave your heart to. just one night to count your countless blessings. just one night to be really thankful. to be really grateful.

yet. just one decision. and all those fantasies disappear all of a sudden. the fairytale you once dreamt of is now just a memory of all those years that you were once full of hope.

i closed that book. i forced myself to leave that chapter unended. i try to forget how i once hoped to be a princess. yet they keep on asking how i wanted the story to end. all those questions brought life to my fantasies. they made me dream again. to hope again.

all only to just break me. to fall on my knees once more. i don't want to open that book anymore. i'm tired of feeling this emptiness. this isn't about feeling a princess because of the material things I have. this isn't about the masked smiles. this isn't about the unfamiliar laughters. this isn't about the chained limited freedom. this is about my life. i wanted that one night for all the people who shaped me to be present.

i asked for just one night. but without them. celebrating is just feeling alone. the stars are just darkness that blinds me. it is just one way of breaking me more apart. i will not be whole. again. that one night will not anymore complete me. because without those people. i can never be. till then i can only be a puzzle with a missing piece.


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